Lax with God

Only today I was faced with two choices, concentrate on Jesus or other things.  My mind allowed the wrong to take root.  There again I should have seen it growing over the last few days.  But I did not, and was lax with God.  Instead of concentrating on him, I just got on with life and fell flat on my face, again.  It never ceases to amaze me how often I see the grace of God in action, a word here, a prayer there, and an opening unexpectedly occurring at just the right time.  But within moments I am back to my self, vain, unforgiving, concentrating on me and not him.  I understand those who spent forty years in the wilderness!  So now I remember, too late his grace and goodness.  Now, when I have allowed sin to lead me I wonder where I stand, why I forgot him, and how on earth I end up here.  Still, I suppose he is used to this.  Sometimes I wonder how Jesus puts up with all the sin, and from those he has reached out to at that!  You create the earth, you die on the cross, call folks to you, and find them wrapped up in themselves and not you.  Being God is not all it’s cracked up to be!  I get annoyed when folks don’t treat me right, I cannot guess how the creator must feel when folks like me forget him and concentrate on their little world, a world he wishes to enlarge and develop for them!  Dearie me, I do wrong, and push him aside to do so, and then say,” Sorry God,” and move on as if it was not important. Oh look, there it is again, self indulgence for my guilt, instead of tears for his pain and heartache.  And what heartache, echoed millions of times a day, does he endure from those that use his name……