Grumbling
It was all going wrong!
Nothing worked. The money was running out, work looked unattainable. I failed to possess the talents required for the scant opportunities that arose. Everything in the place was broken, breaking, wearing out or more aged than myself. The future looked bleak.
Prayer was shouting at the ceiling, which not only failed to answer but exposed the cobwebs and damp patches. All efforts to amend the situation felt vain. Nothing worked, and nothing looked likely to change that either. I moped around the sun filled streets. While enjoying the blooming spring flowers, the blue sky and the early morning warmth I could not but compare this to my misery. Cause for resentment filled me. By the time I reached home once again I fumed liked a cotton mill chimney! The whole world was against me, I could do nothing about it and I was a total failure, again.
Strong coffee to waken me was poured down my throat. I sat grumbling and lining up my weaknesses, my failures, my enemies, my difficulties, my hardships and indulged. “What have I got from you God?” I cried. “All you have done is to die for me…….” I had caught myself in mid sentence. I stared out the window at this point. All he has done is to die for me. Hmmm yes there’s a thing now isn’t it.
My situation is not good. My failings are great. However what matters is that Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth and died for me. For me, with all my failings and weakness. Fr me, rotten to the core. Fr me, who spends time whining when he has dangled painfully on the cross separated form his Father – for me! And I do not allow this to dwell in me. The situation may not change but he ‘changeth not’ as they used to say. I ought to be concentrating on his action, that will change my outlook if not my situation. He, by the way, is always with me, so ‘why am I cast down oh my soul?’
