Lax with God

Only today I was faced with two choices, concentrate on Jesus or other things.  My mind allowed the wrong to take root.  There again I should have seen it growing over the last few days.  But I did not, and was lax with God.  Instead of concentrating on him, I just got on with life and fell flat on my face, again.  It never ceases to amaze me how often I see the grace of God in action, a word here, a prayer there, and an opening unexpectedly occurring at just the right time.  But within moments I am back to my self, vain, unforgiving, concentrating on me and not him.  I understand those who spent forty years in the wilderness!  So now I remember, too late his grace and goodness.  Now, when I have allowed sin to lead me I wonder where I stand, why I forgot him, and how on earth I end up here.  Still, I suppose he is used to this.  Sometimes I wonder how Jesus puts up with all the sin, and from those he has reached out to at that!  You create the earth, you die on the cross, call folks to you, and find them wrapped up in themselves and not you.  Being God is not all it’s cracked up to be!  I get annoyed when folks don’t treat me right, I cannot guess how the creator must feel when folks like me forget him and concentrate on their little world, a world he wishes to enlarge and develop for them!  Dearie me, I do wrong, and push him aside to do so, and then say,” Sorry God,” and move on as if it was not important. Oh look, there it is again, self indulgence for my guilt, instead of tears for his pain and heartache.  And what heartache, echoed millions of times a day, does he endure from those that use his name……

Lifted

Earlier today I was annoyed at myself for falling into one of my bad habits.  It just seemed like it was a waste of time attempting to go on.  There was a wall of failure there before me. I sat down and prayed those feeble, useless, waste of time prayers that you know  will bring no answer. Looking at the book lying there I thought of one or two Psalms and decided it there was no point going over them.  I would just put my own thoughts into them and get my own answers back, and that was a waste also!

However, I am not sure where it came from, but I found myself musing not on me, but on how God had taken the initiative to love me!   I had not loved him, nor bothered about him, but he had chosen to love me!   What a thought!   In spite of the person I am, in spite of the things that have passed through my disgusting mind, he has always ‘loved me!’ It was his decision and I suppose he must have known what I was like even then!  This is a relief, and a great encouragement.

Several times I have noticed my failing s since that moment.  No doubt I will notice them again soon.  However, Jesus knows and wants to make me new!  In spite of me he is not discouraged, hurt maybe, but not discouraged.

I got up again this morning, and carried on, with fresh love for this great God, and a deeper desire to know him and love him.  This is good!