Archive for the ‘Prayer’ Tag

Self Pitying Whine

So here it is. With the words of Habbakuk in my ears I still find myself ‘taking the talk’ but not ‘walking the walk!’ Now I know the Lord will never fail, but things are tight here and I wonder if someone might offer a prayer that will open my ears to what I ought to do?

The story so far (You may yawn now) forced to leave work because of arthritic knee, the need being for work of a more sedentary (that means sitting down) nature, I have been unemployed for longer than some of the Dole office staff have worked there!  Knowing nothing relevant, having ‘Postman’s knees,’ and an arthritic knee also, being untrained in anything bar lifting goods or people I have struggled to find work. Being 57 years of age is also a crime in some folks eyes and on top of this work of suitable type has been rare.

I have spent lots on driving lessons, the only suitable training open to me I could find, and am close to passing the test (so I say anyway!). However this means the cash has run away and now I am wondering what to do?  Being gormless at the best of times I am totally lacking in any ideas now. What ideas have arrived have been unreachable or a product of a deluded and twisted mind!

The good book says ‘work,’ and work I would like. (However after forty years of ‘work’ I don’t want ‘work’ again, I want something ‘enjoyable’ as ‘work.’ I no longer have the energy for some jobs.) I am guilty taking the dole, I feel bad I do nothing, even though it has its advantages! But not being able to pay my way, or indeed pay towards others way is a real hang up! So, I ask prayer, for the right opening, the right work, and the right attitude from me!

I also have no church at present. I found the churches here rather difficult when I arrived some time ago. Either they were moving too fast or thought it was still 1964!  While some appear good places I cannot find a ‘home’ among them. (The red cross made from goats blood on my front door, with a note saying ‘Keep away!’ and signed by the local ‘League of churches,’ may also indicate something) This is a loss, but I truly need more ‘fellowship.’ What I have is at a distance, although the Lord has changed me over recent years through this. (But not enough a voice calls out!)

So my self pitying whine is for prayer that I may believe what I know, and find suitable employment and fellowship in the area. Unless the Good Lord wants something else, like to give me a good kick up the posterior! This may be more likely!

Whining noise is stopping now as I am off to grumble elsewhere……

Prayer, Praise and Reality

So there I was, struggling up the slopes that appeared to me on my bike to be mini Matterhorn’s, just to reduce the fat lump of lard that comprises my beer belly.  To be honest there is more pasta and chips in there than beer, a left over from the time I stopped running around and sat down all day but kept eating as if the work was physical!  The media call it ‘obese’ but my doctor said it was not there yet, I was in his words, “Just a fat slob.”  This is reassuring.

Hundreds of miles up the road (well two) I turned round and began the descent via the old rail line.  One of the great idea of recent times has been the regeneration of defunct rail lines but turning them into country walks.  This one is much used and suffers little from litter and vandalism.  The Rangers team do well in maintaining it as a place to spend a short time with nature.  Cycling down the hill when nobody bar the occasional dog walker is excellent.  I tend to glide slowly listening out for the birds and watching the squirrels drop objects on me from the trees high above as I pass.  This time I thought I was praying.  I say thought, but I wonder if I was?  I began at the far end and considered I was doing all right, no-one being around I was free to enjoy the trees and fields and so on and pray happily.  Two thirds of the way down there came to my mind the song ‘ Jesus we adore you, we proclaim you our king.’  A song I always liked and meant much to the church in the mid eighties.  I continued happily, in spite of the rain pretending I was back amongst Edinburgh’s usual downpours.

Back in civilisation, I knew it was that by the plastic bottles and crisp packets that lay in the streets, I made my way homewards.  Then reality set in.  As I came onto the main road I remembered a woman I once worked with who lived along here.  A sour faced bint who never smiled in all the time I knew her.  Once or twice our paths crossed and I could imagine what she might say if I saw her again.  Suddenly I found myself mentally telling her what I thought of her, and in a ‘full and frank’ manner at that.  I lashed out with all the horrid depth of my being, as you do.  As I dawdled home I wondered what on earth happened there?  It is not as if she actually crossed my path, it was a mere thought that suddenly got out of control!  Prayer, praise?  Aye right!How often do I realise that there is no point in such things if I am not living it?  I hear of ‘revivals’ and ‘outpourings of the Holy Spirit’ and wish it would happen to me.  However there is no point if I cannot ‘Love my neighbour, or my enemy.’  There is no point in being ‘filled with the Spirit’ if my heart is rotten.

It is reality that will show Jesus life, not praise, prayer or works. Reality hides nothing.