Thursday

The Wednesday and Thursday saw me cogitate on Jesus death and rising for me!
I wallowed in thought of his love for me, and what he does and has done for me. This is an exercise I recommend for everyone. Especially if you have not done this for a while.
However I knew I had to meet someone on Thursday with whom I did not connect well. I found myself so full of thoughts of Jesus love for me I was enabled to go there without anxiety of any kind. When we met it went extremely well from the off! As he spoke I knew he was speaking the words God had given him, and I almost laughed at that point! However I managed to keep that till later, and we parted on good terms.
Funny how often that when you pray coincidence happens isn’t it!

Now Jesus, saviour, Lord and master, you dealt with that, tell me what to do with the job situation?

Jesus We Enthrone You!

Jesus, we enthrone you
we proclaim you our king
standing here, in the midst of us
we raise you with our praise

And as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
Come lord Jesus and take your place

Jesus, we enthrone you
we proclaim you our king
standing here, in the midst of us
we raise you with our praise

And as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
Come lord Jesus and take your place

And as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
and as we worship fill your throne
Come lord Jesus and take your place

Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible,

Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible,
The only wise God,
Be honour and glory forever and ever,
Be honour and glory forever and ever, Be honour and glory forever and ever                                                        Amen amen amen, Amen!

Isn’t life strange?

I am attempting to ;trust’ the father who never fails. But I find myself not doing this and not for the first time doing what I consider best.               Hmmm, that’s worked before hasn’t it!

However it is difficult knowing when to do something and when to do nothing but ‘wait!’ I should know by now, and certainly do know when it is someone else who is pondering these things, but am drifting one way or another constantly!

Being pressurised by the dole office, and I understand why, does not help. Three years is a long time to hang about, and while the knee, age and gormlessness are the main reasons I feel guilty and even worse now a recession takes away what work there was.  I have spent money I do not possess on the driving to no avail so far and that is the biggest effort, and the only one I can make really, there appears to be nothing else! The Lord provides, but I would rather he found some other way than the dole, especially if it was in his will. I meet with the dole chaps on Tuesday afternoon for a serious argument about my claim and follow this up with a slagging match on Thursday with a supercilious chap who will probably call the security guard if he looks down his nose at me a second time! Oh I’m so butch!

So now I am off to look for work/money/suicide or maybe just lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling once again. Hmmm that sounds the best option for a Saturday……

Prayer

For about an hour now, It’s just after 8pm here, I have had the ‘impression’ someone has been praying for me.
It appears to be working.
We will see what the next 24 hours brings….

Thanks to you! (and him….)

Work

Yesterday was a bad day!

Three years now I have been unemployed. Three years! When I left the last job, because of doctors advice re the knee, I expected a nice rest for a few months and then a new adventure. How wrong was I? Having no skills, and no longer being able to work on the heavy lifting side (well, sort of heavy!) I needed a sedentary job. The only things available have been female dominated and I have been rejected, rightly, from all I have attempted.

I did spend over two thousand pounds on driving lessons and kind of expected work to fall from the sky. It didn’t. Now I am way in debt, and it keeps growing. The monitor dies and needs replaced, the printer jams, the something falls apart, the bike breaks  and I canny afford the repair, the damage to the tv aerial, the tape machine which I use constantly now running at high speed, there is the near empty cupboards and the ever growing credit card debt, and the quiet house may soon end as my neighbour appears to be leaving and no doubt some noisy swine will take his place and I am already anxious about this possibility! All things appear to be collapsing. Now I appreciate some, finding difficulty in obtaining cheap bread will have no concern for me, I appreciate those in hospital in pain, and those with ‘real’ hardships will rightly scoff, but for me this is a very bad period and I have no idea what to do, apart from using a chainsaw on the guy at the dole. Am I downhearted YES! I have no way out.

Is all this a judgement? There are reasons (which I will spare you) that it may well be. Have I not tried hard enough? I thought I had done all the needful. Is it just the recession, my ignorance and lack of ’skills,’ or just the lack of jobs available? I am more than aware of how dumb I am, and my inadequacy shows through in this job search. What little is available is beyond my ken, I need simple things, and my now tired of work brain needs even simpler occupations – and without ‘office politics.’

I write this as I had a confrontation with a chap at the dole office yesterday and am still very peeved by this. I am afraid next time I may something out of turn. My lack of discussion skills will rise quickly if he plays the hard man next time. Subtlety is not my strong point these days, my tired mind does not cope well with things today (I hide this well mind!)

But has God left me? In spite of all I know, all I have learned and experienced, in spite of all this it stood me no good yesterday. There are no words coming to mind, no indications, no leading, nothing but an angry head banging on a wall. (Not a good idea with these cheap walls!) The future is unclear, I am being forced to do things that will not lead to work, just to satisfy some clown in the dole office, and waste my time.

But what is God saying? My trust is gone, the clarity, such as it was, dead. I can advise, inform, shout at others but have no idea what to do here myself. Should I throw money at a lottery ticket and look for money this way? Or is this lacking trust in Gods provision? Is the good Lord letting me hang out to dry, and who could blame him for the way I treat him? Should I just drown myself and save the world the bother, there seems little purpose in my existence just now? I wonder how much the insurance would be?

Oh I don’t know. Excuse me while I sit on the floor and stare at the wall…….

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

After a particularly trying moment this morning a low was reached. At that moment the Lord gave me a verse. “Trouble…who can separate us from the Love of Christ?”

Romans 8:35 has the full verse.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The BBE has it….
Who will come between us and the love of Christ? Will trouble, or pain, or cruel acts, or the need of food or of clothing, or danger, or the sword? As it is said in the holy Writings, Because of you we are put to death every day; we are like sheep ready for destruction. But we are able to overcome all these things and more through his love. For I am certain that not death, or life, or angels, or rulers, or things present, or things to come, or powers, Or things on high, or things under the earth, or anything which is made, will be able to come between us and the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

“Who will come between us and the love of Christ?”
I rather like that rendering.

His love and support never fails, just our belief!

Sinners

Rotten to the core. Selfish, uncaring. Stealing, hating, grasping. Occasionally kind, but at the centre self obsessed. Consider themselves quite good, although with some bad bits, and do not realise that they are very bad, with a few good bits. Self deceiving.

Horrible creatures, and I am one.

Yet God, Holy, just and Love, wants me!

He wants all men everywhere to be saved!

So Jesus pays the price for me!

What kind of a God is this?

What a God, wishing to be a friend to one such as you and I?

May I understand and respond fully to this fact.

What a God!

And can it be?

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

’Tis mystery all: th’Immortal dies:
Who can explore His strange design?
In vain the firstborn seraph tries
To sound the depths of love divine.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,
Let angel minds inquire no more.
’Tis mercy all! Let earth adore;
Let angel minds inquire no more.

He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Still the small inward voice I hear,
That whispers all my sins forgiven;
Still the atoning blood is near,
That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Saviour in my heart.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Saviour in my heart.

No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.

And can it be? What love the saviour has that he should die for me. Somewhere he says ‘Don’t call anyone ‘fool.” I only realised what this means. He never calls me ‘fool’ even though I am so bad. His love does not allow him to. Such love for me, you and all around us, both good and bad.

What kind of God is this?

Macho Christians

I sometimes wonder about our attitudes.

What I mean is the difference in Christians approach to living the life and the sense of God that occasionally descends upon us when his Holy Spirit comes near. Why does he appear so gentle yet powerful and Christians ’standing on the word’ appear so cold, hard, and unloving?

Can this be caused by young men full of  desire to do things, and their way at that? Is it just that I misunderstand? Could it be that attempting to be ‘right’ we fall into ‘Pharisaic’ attitudes?

Can I respectfully suggest Christians spend less time criticising those who have departed from the ‘way,’ and spend more time ‘proclaiming Jesus?’

By this I mean indicate faults when necessary but first of all spend more time talking about Jesus himself, his work in your life, and pointing to him, not a variety of theological disputes! Talk up Jesus and tell us how you live it more, proclaim his work, and let the blind lead the blind!

Death in the Family

Tonight, Wednesday night, we have just managed to, almost, complete the arrangements for my mothers funeral. She died on Saturday morning!

A mistake by the staff at the hospital created a hold up with the paperwork, and caused on going problems down the line for us all. However with the date set and most people informed, only final arrangements required, we can now begin to gather our thoughts and go through the event itself.

I of course have done little being so far away, and while it is a distressing time in one way it has also brought us together. There is also humour in the situation, and my mother liked humour. When my father died forty years ago we had returned from the funeral, disposed of the family and late at night were gathering our thoughts when young Pat from upstairs came in to offer his condolences. Pat was part of a family we had known for years and a good lad, however he had spent most of the day in a hostelry with his mates! The sight of him crouching down and several times almost falling on his face while telling my Mum of how good Dad was to him made it hard to avoid giggling out loud. It broke tension for Mum and when he left she had tears, but of joy!

For me however her passing was a shock, even though she was 94! We expected it, but I had hoped for three more years at least. However I found that friends offering condolences, and many praying for me and the family has been a wonderful experience. I have seen the effects within myself, in the practical matters that appeared to be going wrong, and find myself being brought closer to Jesus.

I am enjoying that!

I had sketchy plans involving returning to Edinburgh for my Mums sake as I pondered my own future, that has come to a close now, and I have found myself able to relax in allowing Jesus my Friend to lead me where he will. This is all down to praying people and I thank them for this!

Prayer works, Jesus is Lord and he answers prayer. It must be said that we must do things his way, as this is best, and when we follow on he answers more often because we can hear him better. He wants to call us, he wants to lead us and he wants us to be saved.

I hope I can heed him!